Rule Follower

wreckedandworthy Jul 24, 2019

I've always been a rule follower. 

In school, I was that disliked "Teacher's Pet", going above and beyond classroom expectations with accolades such as:

Spelling Bee Champion, Community Service Award Recipient, ASB President, Annual Reading Trophy Recipient, etc.

I spent lunch time in the library helping organize books, had a class job and submitted the most book reports, including in the summer.

 

I'd get made fun of for kissing up to the teacher, but what people didn't understand was- I did this all to feel better about myself. 

The more stars, recognition, and words of affirmation I received for following the rules and excelling, the more I wanted. This all gave me validation. This all made me feel worthy. 

And if I didn't have rules and guidelines given to me by others, I made them up for myself. 

 

Only through years of self reflection and growth have I started breaking down this life habit. (I say start because it took years to build up, and therefore takes time to break down). 

I had to ask myself, "If I'm not following the rules, what am I following? And who am I without that recognition?"

When my mind remained blank and without an answer, I felt both liberated and shame. 

Liberated in recognition that I did not have to continue being, doing and achieving for worth and recognition. 

Shame in not knowing who I truly was at the core. 

Thus, began my journey of truly getting to know myself, and establishing my own flexible rules. 

Sharing more about the journey next week! 


Meanwhile, reflections for YOU:

1. Were you a rule follower or rule breaker?

2. Why?

3. How did it make you feel?

Share here, email me at [email protected], or create a post and tag @selisaloeza so I can read and reflect with you!

 

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