After being a rule follower for so much of my life and realizing that in fact, rule following did not make me feel loved or bring me joy, I knew I had to make some changes.
I asked myself questions to understand:
After reflecting on these questions, the gateway opened and I realized...
I attended events, said yes to projects, and overall committed to engagements just because I felt bad saying no and was worried about hurting peoples feelings when in reality, I'm an introvert and do not like these things. This was the rule of keeping others happy in order to be loved.
I set high expectations of everything I had to and should do weekly, daily, etc. because I felt the need to follow the rule of always...
I've always been a rule follower.
In school, I was that disliked "Teacher's Pet", going above and beyond classroom expectations with accolades such as:
Spelling Bee Champion, Community Service Award Recipient, ASB President, Annual Reading Trophy Recipient, etc.
I spent lunch time in the library helping organize books, had a class job and submitted the most book reports, including in the summer.
I'd get made fun of for kissing up to the teacher, but what people didn't understand was- I did this all to feel better about myself.
The more stars, recognition, and words of affirmation I received for following the rules and excelling, the more I wanted. This all gave me validation. This all made me feel worthy.
And if I didn't have rules and guidelines given to me by others, I made them up for myself.
Only through years of self reflection and growth have I started breaking down this life habit. (I say start because it took years to build up, and...
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